Sweet Success

I don't know about you other mothers out there, but it seems like I am constantly assessing situations in our home, and trying new methods to try to get my kids to understand something better, or behave in ways a little closer to my expectations for them. Often, these attempts blow up in my face. For example, when Connor was almost 3 years old, and we had not had any potty success yet, I decided to get straight to the point with him. One day, I asked, "Connor, do you LIKE to have poop in your pants?" He looked at me, sincere as can be, and simply said, "YES." Okay, so that didn't work. The ongoing struggle I have is finding a form of discipline that works when household rules are violated. First, time-out. At first, they would just come right out. If they don't stay in there, it's not really a punishment, right? Next, loss of priviledge or taking away a favorite toy. Three days later, when I see where I hid the toy or remember the priviledge they USED to have, and then realize that they haven't even seemed to notice that anything was missing from their lives, I know that that route didn't work either. As a last resort, I've tried spanking. Then one day, out of the blue, my five-year-old said to me, "Mom, I really don't care too much if you spank me." I knew that I had failed, once again. So spanking--at least for him--is out. So far this post isn't matching the title much, is it? I'll get to the point. Sometimes, not often, but sometimes, something I try actually works the way I hope it will.

About a month and a half ago, Tony got home from basketball practice to a cranky, worn-out mom who exclaimed, "I've had it with the TV, the computer, and the video games! They are ruining my kids lives! They don't even KNOW HOW to play with toys or use their imaginations! I've had it with media invading my home!" Typing this out, I realize how ridiculous this sounds, as if the TV, video games, and computer have a mind of their own and are conspiring against me as a mother. I then asked Tony, "What should I do about this?" Then it hit me. Perhaps there was a way to be PROACTIVE about this situation rather than playing the victim. In less than 10 minutes I had a plan. Of course, I doubted it would work, given my previous attempts at making positive changes in my home. But I decided to go forward with it anyway. The next morning, I explained the drill: "You get 90 minutes of screen time a day. Period. You can choose whether you want it in the form of TV, video games, or computer, but the total time you spend staring at a screen cannot be more than 90 minutes in a day." I did make one exception: The Living Scriptures videos were always fair game, and did not count against their screen time allotment.

The first day, both kids were out of screen time by about 9am. Oh boy, this was going to be a long day. I thought Connor would be okay, but Mylie had become quite a "TV junkie," as we now refer to it in our home. I knew there were going to be withdrawl symptoms. And there were. I tried to get her to play something, suggesting several things that sounded fun to me. She would cry and say, "I don't want to play!" Now what kid says that?!? But then things started getting better . . .

On day three, I went into the living room to find Connor and Mylie hauling our fan upstairs. We use it on hot days in the summer, but had been storing it in the basement. I wondered what they were doing, but decided to just watch and see. Next thing I know, I hear Connor tell Mylie, "Let's do an experiment!" They got a balloon that was blown up and tried to position the fan to keep the balloon up in the air. Of course, they failed, but kept trying. Next thing I know, it's "Mom! You have GOT to come see this!" They had emptied the entire bag of balloons (not blown up) INTO the fan and were watching them race around and around inside it.

From that day on, "screen time" really hasn't been much of an issue. Connor keeps track of his own using a kitchen timer so he can stop and start, rationing it out and using it in all three forms during the day. I keep track of Mylie, who mainly uses it all in TV watching. Lately, there have been many days that they go to bed at night, exhausted, with screen time that hasn't even been used. And there are NOT roll-over minutes in screen time.

And then, the "Hey-maybe-I-knew-what-I-was-doing-for-once!" feeling came. This morning, just after I got out of the shower, Mylie came into my bathroom dragging her blanket. I was prepared for her morning routine of, "Mom, can you get me a show? And some strawberry milk chocolate milk mixed?" (About the milk, don't ask.) But it didn't come. Instead, she noticed a couple toy animals on the floor. She picked them up and entertained herself for half an hour with just a toy tiger, an elephant, and a basket of dirty laundry. I could hardly believe what I was seeing. My purpose had been met. My children DO know how to PLAY, how to use their imaginations to entertain themselves. They just needed a little practice. SWEET SUCCESS! Ahhh.