Like millions of other moms out there, my little boy started school today. I didn't cry. Not today, anyway. But I can't believe all the different emotions I have felt recently as this day has approached all too quickly. As I tried to sort through it all today (in between wondering constantly what Connor is doing RIGHT NOW), I came up with an analogy.
Have you ever had that cake that started out as a chocolate cake, but then somebody poked all over the top with a toothpick and filled it up with caramel, cream, fudge sauce, butterscotch, or some other liquid? It still tastes like a chocolate cake, but not truly. Well, overall, I'm excited about Connor going to kindergarten. He's excited to go, and there are many reasons that I'm excited for this step as well. I can't wait to see the world change for him as he learns to read. I'm excited for him to learn how school works. I can't wait to hear about recess, music, lunch, centers, and PE. I'm also excited about only managing two kids each day instead of three. And that's where the "excited cake" starts to change.
As I think through all the reasons I'm excited, suddenly my excitement starts being infiltrated with an assorment of negative emotions! First of all, there's the guilt I have for being excited. Shouldn't I be crying my eyes out, not wanting my baby to leave me? Then there's the concern--concern about how he might be treated by others, and the type of friends he will choose. I feel worried about what he's going to see and hear out there in the "real world" he's entering. There's regret too. Regret over time misspent or missed opportunities. Inadequacy is there as well. Have I done a good enough job with him? Is he ready for this? Only time will tell.
But even though it's been bombarded with this plethora of emotions, the excitement is still there. It just tastes a little different that the excitement I've always known--a little more interesting, perhaps even richer. And even though it's new and different, tonight, as I listened to Connor tell me the details of his first day, I learned that I like it. I think I want another piece.
8 comments:
Well if he told you about his first day you're doing good already. Tayler and I's conversations go something like this.
Me: How was school?
T: Good.
Me: What did you do?
T: Nothing.
Me: What did you learn?
T: Nothing.
Me: Who did you play with?
T: My friends.
Um, yeah.
That's awesome Taffy. That will be a fun day. But I've got some more wait still. :)
I remember feeling these same emotions last year when I sent Matthew to kindergarten. This year sending Jenny, it was a lot milder. For some reason, either I felt more ready, or I felt that she was. I definitely feel the excitement though. And I think it is good for both us and them. :)
I hear ya totally. This year is a little scarier though cause now Caden will be gone ALL day, being influenced more by others instead of me. That scares me and is giving me alittle anxiety! I know he'll do great and hopefully he'll be the one influencing others... It is so much fun though to hear about their day and what they learn.
We have full day kindergarten here, and then I coach volleyball after school. Connor rides with Tony to school, so I say goodbye to him before 7:30 each morning, and don't see him again until after 6:00 at night. Wow. What a change from being together all day for the past almost 6 years!
That is such a long time. It will take a while to adjust (for you). Connor will do great!
I totally understand how you're feeling and I don't even have a kindergartener! The cake analogy was great! I even think about Garrett and kindergarten and I feel those same things!
What a cute analogy!! I was SO nervous for school this year. I can totally relate to all of those feelings!
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