The Behavior Plan

So, a couple people asked about this new "behavior plan" that we've been trying. And several more of you read the post, thought to yourself, "I wonder about that behavior plan. . ." but chose not to ask. (I know this because I'm a mom, and anytime I hear that somebody is doing something that seems to be helping their kids behave better, I want to know what it is.) So here you go.

Although I would like to take full credit for this plan, Tony actually came up with it, and then I helped extend it a little. It started in a FHE lesson a couple of weeks ago. He started by just asking the kids why we should make good choices. I thought they might say something like, "So Mom doesn't go crazy," or "So I don't get a timeout." But they exceeded my expectations and came up with, "Because Jesus wants us to." Well, that was good, but not quite what Tony was looking for. I could explain the entire conversation, but I won't. We eventually came to the conclusion that we need to make good choices so that we can live with our Heavenly Father again, and so that we can live with our family forever.

Then he pointed out three areas that we needed to improve on: Being Safe, Being Respectful, and Being Responsible. We decided that we could throw out our old family rules, since they all fell into one of these three categories. So SAFE, RESPECTFUL, and RESPONSIBLE are now our "family expectations." He explained what each of these three words meant and gave some examples.

Afterward, Tony and I talked about what we needed to do to really implement these new family expectations. I was quick to ask what we should do if they weren't being safe, respectful, or responsible. I wanted to know the PUNISHMENT. I think that's been my problem. I often focus too much on punishments, which doesn't really teach or motivate my children to make good choices. Tony suggested that we first remind them with a question: "Is that being respectful?" If this doesn't redirect them, we patiently remind them of our goal of returning to our Heavenly Father with our family--the REAL reason we need to make good choices. Then, as a last resort (rather than a quick first reaction), they will go to timeout, think about the choice they made, and then we will talk to them again about their behavior. (I feel the need to interject here that serious offenses are handled with more serious punishments--like not being able to go to track practice for Connor or loss of TV time for Mylie.)

But ultimately, we wanted to focus on positives by rewarding good behavior more than focusing on punishments. So here's what we did (and what the kids--and parents--are super-duper excited about!!) We took the three sheets of paper that Tony used in his lesson with the words SAFE, RESPECTFUL, and RESPONSIBLE typed on them and taped them to the side of the kitchen cabinets. I ordered some fancy amusement-park themed stickers online, which only cost $6 for 72 stickers. But then I paid $5.95 for shipping--ah, the "perks" of online shopping. Anyway, we let the kids practice for one week, and at the next FHE asked how they thought we were doing. We agreed that their behavior had already improved quite a bit. Then we presented them with the "plan." If we catch them being safe, respectful, or responsible, we can give them a sticker and they put it on the appropriate sheet of paper. Once all the stickers are gone, covering the papers, we will go to Lagoon to celebrate. Here's how we're doing so far:

So now, when we ask, "Is that being responsible?", and then "Why do we need to be responsible?", I wonder if I'm going to get, "So we can go to Lagoon!" But so far, they've remembered the REAL reason that we need to make good choices, and I think that eternal perspective (even with the limited understanding of a 4 and 6-year-old), has made all the difference!