Deceptive Housewives

A couple weeks ago, I had an experience that has made me think . . . A LOT. It may seem minor, but it has really made me rethink some things about being a wife and mother, as well as what my house and home mean to me.

I stopped in unannounced on a friend one day to take her a loaf of bread. As soon as she let me in, she scurried up the stairs ahead of me, obviously flustered about something. As I came up the stairs behind her, I could see her picking up a few toys and throwing them into the bedroom, then grabbing some magazines and setting them neatly on a table. She was blushing as she quickly apologized to me about her messy house. I told her it was okay. I didn't mind.

Later, as I had some time to think about this, I realized that I have done this same thing before. Maybe I didn't hurry to clean up the mess, but I still apologized for it. I wondered what the apology for a messy house actually means. Is it, "I'm so sorry to OFFEND you with this mess? Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?" Probably not. I've stayed in other people's messy houses for extended periods of time, and have never once felt offended that there was a mess there. Are we saying, "I'm so sorry. I slipped a little today and became a mom rather than a maid."? No. I don't think we're apologizing for being a mom, either. Maybe we're trying to say, "I'm so sorry that my children have been playing in my house today. Had I know you were coming, I would have plopped them in front of the TV all day so my house would stay absolutely clutter-free." Nope. That's not what we mean, either. Then I had a flashback. . .

A couple Christmases ago, I invited all my family to my house for a Christmas Eve dinner. The day of the dinner, I was totally stressing out trying to not only get the food ready, but also have my house in PERFECT order. I was vacuuming, dusting, cleaning bathrooms, and nearly crying because my windows were dirty, my light fixtures needed cleaning, and there may be some dirty laundry that somebody might see. In the middle of it all, Tony asked me, "Isn't it kind of like lying? You know, having your house so much better for company that you do normally?" I thought for a second, and said, "I'm not sure if it's really lying, but I guess it is some type of deception." Since then, I've thought about that every single time I'm cleaning house for guests. As I take clutter from my counter and stuff it into a cabinet so nobody will know that I often leave mail on TOP of the counter (Awful, isn't it!?), in the back of mind there's a little voice saying, "Deceptive, deceptive, deceptive . . ."

So I think the apology is just another form of our deception as housewives. "So sorry you're seeing the truth here. Had I known you were coming, I surely would have tried to deceive you into believing that my house is always impeccably clean, and I have it all together!"

I had another thought-provoking experience at stake conference last week. A speaker was talking about Mary and Martha, and as he read the last verse, it said something new to me--something it had never said to me in the previous times I'd read it. "But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her" (Luke 10:42). When the speaker read this verse, I instantly thought about how many times I have said in frustration, "I spend all my time cleaning this house, only to have it be a mess the next day!" That's it. I'm spending all my time and energy on things that CAN be taken away from me. I need to refocus my efforts toward those things that "shall not be taken away from [me]." Things like relationships with my husband and children, time spent serving others, and memories made with my family.

So I'm done. I'm done deceiving. Don't get me wrong. I love a clean house. I'll still have one from time to time. I know the scripture that says we should establish a house of order. I know that the Spirit will be in our homes when we take care of them. But I don't think the Spirit is offended by some mail on the counter, or some toys in the living room, or even a room full of couch cushions being used for a pole vault pit (see post below). So if a little clutter offends you, don't come over. There may be some. And I'm not going to apologize for it. I'm not a maid. I'm not a "housewife." I'm a mom: a less-than-perfect mom with less-than-perfect children. But I absolutely love them, and I'm doing my best. And that's no lie.