Worth

Sunday morning, Mariah came into my bedroom looking like this--covered in little pink stickers that I had left in a drawer after a yard sale a couple summers ago. They ranged from 25 cents to $3 to Make Offer.

At first, it made me laugh. Then a thought came into my mind: "Maybe you need to teach Mariah about her worth." The more I pondered that thought, the more I realized how important that truly is. As a woman myself, I know the struggles that we as females in this world face with truly understanding our worth. Many different factors made me question my worth throughout my growing-up years: if I was popular or not, whether a certain boy paid attention to me, what my skin looked like, what my body looked like, what my talents were (or weren't), etc. As a mother, I have found peace with many of the issues that used to bother me, but now I find myself questioning whether or not I am measuring up as a wife and mother, and when I feel like I'm not, I begin to question my worth once again.

I LOVE my daughters, and never want them to feel this way. A couple of years ago, I read an article about how the interactions young girls have with others impact their formation of their self-worth. Most people, when they see a little girl, first mention something about how she looks. With only good intentions, they say things like, "Your hair sure is pretty," or "What a cute outfit you have on today!" But what happens is that young girls begin understanding that their appearance is what others appreciate about them, and therefore, that is where their value lies. I think this is extremely dangerous, and so I truly try to compliment my girls on things other than their appearance, and I don't put much work into their appearance on a daily basis. In fact, those who see my girls very often may judge me as a neglectful mother based on how their hair usually looks. But it's not neglect--it's purposeful. They are beautiful--not because their hair is perfect or they have the cutest outfit ever--but because they are beautiful just the way they are.

I do teach them that there are times to look our very best (church, for one), but I also teach them that it is okay to have people see us not looking our best. I also try to model this thinking, by going to the grocery store without makeup on occasion, not ever making negative comments about my body or appearance, and not talking much about how other people look.

I thought things were going pretty well with this and that my girls weren't going to be too concerned about always looking a certain way. But last week I found out that maybe all girls will feel inferior at some point, regardless of the efforts of their mothers. Mylie came home from gymnastics, and when I asked her how it went, she was nearly in tears as she told me that she wanted short hair again. WHAT? We've been working on growing it for almost a year, and she has been set on having long hair by kindergarten next year. She then informed me that AVERY has short hair and she needs short hair so she can be like Avery. Also, she needs a leotard with a ballerina on the front of it, since that's what Avery has. I didn't know what to do for sure, but I wrapped her in a hug and told her that I loved her just the way she is, and that she doesn't need to try to be like anybody else. And then I've worried about it all week.

I'd love to conclude this post with the magic answer, the sure thing, the never-fail tip for making sure that our daughters understand their worth. But I don't have it. In fact, I don't think there is a "magic bullet" for teaching self-worth. I think it actually comes bit by bit, with small doses of love, listening, teaching, being an example of confidence, and by complimenting the things that are truly "worthy" of our compliments. And as I look at my beautiful daughters, I pray that I can do this incredibly important job of helping them shed the "price tags" and understand that their worth is INFINITE.